I've Always Felt Different
by tbehartoo
Summary: Lucy's noticed that Erza has been more than a little distracted lately, and she's worried that there's something she's doing wrong. Erza has something decidedly different in mind.


Lucy was cleaning up her apartment from another homecoming celebration for Team Natsu. It might have gone faster, if her mind was actually on the clean up. Instead, she found herself frequently glancing at the chair in the corner. Erza sat there, toying with some piece of trash, seemingly lost in thought. As far back as Lucy could remember Erza had always been full of energy and purpose, always on the move, but now she's just sitting there with eyes slightly unfocused. Had Erza been in her normal frame of mind she probably would have had Natsu and Gray helping clean, but tonight she was certainly not acting like herself. Instead she shoved the others out the door and then set about trying to help, but getting somewhat distracted. Lucy pondered on this rather unusual turn of events.

All month Erza had seemed … off? Distracted? Concerned? Lucy couldn't come up the right word to name it, and that bothered her. She had noticed Erza watching her a lot more lately with that disconcerting expression that she couldn't name. She had no doubt that if she were doing something that put herself or the team in danger Erza would have called her attention to the problem. But their team had been working so well lately. In fact there was even more than half the remains of the town in the last job they finished. It seemed as if Erza had meant to say something to Lucy but changed her mind several times nearly every day this week. Each time Lucy braced herself for the impact of a blow that was never dealt. So, maybe this wasn't something to do with her fighting ability? What else could be bothering Erza?

"Erza, If you're not going to keep that, I'll take it off your hands," she said as she eventually made it to that corner of the apartment.

"Um, what?"

Lucy laughed. "That carton from the Jade Noodle," she said, "You're not wanting to keep it as a valuable memento. Are you?"

Erza looked amazed to find the empty carton still in her hand. She blushed and then stammered out, "N-no. I d-don't need it any more."

She reached up and handed it to Lucy, their fingers briefly brushing. In an instant, Erza captured Lucy's free hand with her own.

"Lucy?" Erza's voice was soft as she looked up into Lucy's worried face.

"Hmm?" Lucy was trying to pay attention to Erza's words but her eyes were focused on the hand gripping hers. This was decidedly not what she'd been expecting.

"There's something I want to ask you, but I think I need to tell you something else first," Erza paused waiting for Lucy to indicate she should continue.

Lucy set the carton on the side table and turned to face the nervous woman.

Erza took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Lucy, I'm not, I'm not like other people," she began.

Lucy smiled. "You certainly aren't." When Erza frowned slightly she quickly added, "I meant that in the nicest way."

Another deep breath, a nod, and then Erza continued.

"Growing up I didn't understand why some people were so excited about ...about love and, and romance. I was there when Mira and Ever were twittering over the same boy, all laughs and giggles, but it didn't seem important to me. I watched as Gray kissed Natsu and they both turned bright red and smiled at each other for a week, and I just didn't get why that would be something... exciting? All the love songs and the poetry just never kept my attention and I thought that there were just so many better things I could be doing. Eventually, as they all started dating and pairing up with person after person, I just came to realize that there's something missing from me that they have. I didn't want to do any of that! I liked being with others, but the idea of kissing them or, or doing other things with them just wasn't something I wanted to do. It's as if there's a hole in my life where those things are supposed to go. I, I'm just not like them. I felt kind of like maybe I was broken, or that something in my past might have … broken... me."

"Oh, Erza!" Lucy quickly knelt in front of the chair so that she could look up into Erza's downcast face. She reached up with her free hand to cup Erza's cheek.

Erza frowned slightly and gently took Lucy's hand to join their twined hands in her lap.

"Thank you, Lucy," she said shyly. "You can imagine how surprised I was after all this time and soul searching, and finally acceptance of my inadequacy in that area when suddenly I started noticing someone in my life a little differently. I found myself thinking about this person all the time. I wanted to be with her as much as possible. Even though I saw her nearly every day, it wasn't enough." She looked up into Lucy's eyes for the first time. "When I was around her my heart began to beat faster and my hands would get clammy which actually concerned me. I thought that maybe I was sick, but Wendy said there was nothing wrong with my heart." She gave a wry chuckle. "And here I thought it wasn't working properly all this time."

She gave Lucy a smile that was full of heartbreak and hope. "You have done something to my heart, and it beats now for you."

Lucy was stunned. She had admired Erza long before she had even come to Fairy Tail, and had once had a crush on her. Now that she actually knew the woman, not the idol on the pedestal, she had a deeper respect and total trust in her. That Erza should come to her and confess these personal feelings...Lucy was honored, honored and stunned.

"So now that you know all of that about me," she had to pause for one more deep breath, "my question to you Lucy is," she stopped to make sure she had Lucy's undivided attention, "May I kiss you?"

There was silence as Lucy pondered the request and Erza held her breath.

"Oh, Erza that would be so..." Lucy's face lit up in joy, but a sudden thought made her pause. She chewed her bottom lip then blurted out, "What if I mess it up for you?"

"What?"

"Erza, the first time I ever kissed someone, well, my thought at the time was," she started blushing at the memory, "I thought, 'What's the big deal? This isn't that great,' but," she cleared her throat, "later in the day when I was remembering it, that's when I realized I really enjoyed it and, and wanted to do it again." Her face was full of concern. "I would hate to mess this up for you." She looked deep into her eyes before saying, "You deserve to have the best kiss ever, Erza!"

There was tense silence.

"Lucy, are you my friend?" Erza whispered.

"Yes," was the tentative reply.

"And do you think that I am your friend?"

"Of course, Erza. You have become one of my best friends."

"Do you think that I would ever lie to you? Or intentionally hurt you?"

"What?! No, of course not. If anything is true about you Erza it's that you care so much about your friends that you will do anything to keep them safe from harm."

Erza reached out and laid a hand gently on Lucy's shoulder. "Then please believe me when I tell you that there is nothing you can do that will mess up my being kissed by you. I may not enjoy it, but that will be on my side, not yours." She looked to the side, "Of course I understand if you don't want to, I'm not-"

Lucy's lips were suddenly crashing into Erza's cutting off any further comment she might have made, but the angle was awkward and Lucy found herself falling into Erza's lap. She looked up at Erza blushing furiously.

"See Erza?" she cried, "I found a way to mess up our first kiss!" There were tears starting to form in her eyes.

Erza chuckled a little, "Let's just call that you getting my attention, okay?" She pulled Lucy up to sit on her lap, one arm circling her waist to keep her there securely. "No need for tears," she said as she ran a caressing thumb across Lucy's cheek.

"Could we try that again?" Lucy asked. "You know, now that I have your attention?"

Erza smiled. "I'd like that."

Their first official kiss was slow and tender. Lips brushing gently together as they learned one another in this new way. They broke apart and both women couldn't help but grin at one another.

"Can we try it again?" Erza asked, a twinkle in her eye.

"I'd like that," Lucy breathed out as they met once more.


End file.
